


I Never Knew How Much I Really Needed You Until All I Had Was Nothing

by RosePeddle



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2018-02-28
Packaged: 2019-02-08 13:58:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 9,648
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12865986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RosePeddle/pseuds/RosePeddle
Summary: Fall Out Boy was on hiatus, Patrick was making new music, Pete wasn't heard from much in this time which worried Patrick. What will happen when Patrick visits his best friend?Trigger Warning: Suicide, Depression, self harm, mentions of eating disorders





	1. Introduction

**~3rd person Pov~**

Patrick was just getting off of tour and he had noticed Pete hadn't  updated social media since about a week or two after fall out boy announced their hiatus. He also hadn't heard from him in that same amount of time. Patrick was worried about Pete, considering Pete and him were probably some of the closest people alive, so it was very unusual that he hadn't heard from Pete and Pete being a social butterfly, it was unlike him to not post on social media. So naturally Patrick felt inclined to go check on his best friend. Patrick made his way to Pete's house to check on him. When Patrick knocked on the front door he didn't get an answer and when he knocked a second time he again only got silence in return. Patrick freaked out internally and took out the spare key Pete had given him a while ago and unlocked the door, frantically hurrying in the house. Patrick made his way through Pete's house that looked like it hadn't been cleaned or touched in weeks and goes to Pete's room where he knocks on the door and doesn't get an answer. Patrick tried again but to no avail, he still got no answer. Patrick tried opening the door and it slowly opened with a creak. He was met with the smell of sweat and body odor, and when he went over to the bedside he was met with an awful sight. Pete was laying, seemingly asleep, his breaths shallow and almost not there. He looked as if he hadn't eaten in days, weeks even and it looked like this was the first time he had actually gotten sleep in a while. Patrick knew Pete was doing bad, he shakes Pete attempting to wake him. Pete's eyes slowly open as he looks towards the man that was waking him. He looked confused.  
"Patrick....?!" he asks weakly.  
"Yes Pete?" Patrick asked softly.  
"I don't want to be alive anymore"   
"Oh Pete, please don't say that, please" Patrick said, his voice desperation in his voice. Pete sat up and it seems like Patrick's fears were all answered. "Pete tell me you haven't taken anything"   
"I promise you Patrick I haven't taken anything" He replies softly and Patrick sighs in relief.  

 


	2. I Need You Just As Much As You Need Me

**~Patrick's Pov~**

 

Poor Pete, my best friend, feeling like he doesn't belong in this world. Little does he know I need him more than I can comprehend, more than I'd actually like to admit. I had a girlfriend, Elisa, we ended up breaking up because I realized I like men. Now, Elisa is an attractive woman but when we were dating it never fully felt right. As I look at Pete I realize how broken he looks. The way his eyes don't shine in the light like they usually would, the way his eyes are sunken in from the obvious lack of sleep. The way his cheekbones are more defined than when I saw him last from him probably not getting enough food. I could just tell in his eyes that something had happened I just wasn't sure what.   
"Pete what's wrong"   
"Everything is gone Patrick, Ashlee, gone, Bronx is gone.... she took him from me Patrick, You were not around and I didn't want to bother you because you had your music and my whole world is falling apart Patrick... I can't do it anymore... I'm so sorry Patrick I fucked up I really did..."   
"What do you mean you fucked up?" I ask worriedly. He doesn't use words, he simply rolls up his sleeves to show me what he's done... and if that weren't bad enough he pushed his pant legs up to reveal more red lines that indicate the intensity of his feelings. Tears flood my eyes and I look at the marks across his arms, they look like they had been there for at least a week so I knew he hadn't done it in a while. I run my fingers across them softly feeling that they were minor and not too deep... though I'm not saying that it's ok what he had done it's just better that they weren't deep. I look into his eyes and they seemed glossy from tears that were threatening to spill from them.   
"Patrick please let me go, I'm not needed, I'm kind of a waste of space, everything I do sucks and you just deserve a better friend... someone who can support you more than I ever could. You are the light that kept me going for so long and you have given me so much hope, I just can't go on anymore... I want to keep going for you but I can't see any point of living when I'm constantly let down. I've done all I can for this world Patrick please let me go... I held on long enough so I could see you one last time and look at you, you're so handsome, you always have been, you seem so happy now." His voice seemed broken slightly and I couldn't hold back anymore, I sobbed and I clung to him, I needed him to know he was wanted but it was proving to be harder than I thought. He pushed at me, trying to get me to let him go. "Patrick... please..." he would say and I wouldn't let him go. He smelled like his room but I didn't care I started to brokenly sing 'What A Catch Donnie' to him and he started shaking, trying harder to push me away but he was weak and failed and eventually gave up trying.   
"Pete please... I need you here... I love you and I need you... Please Pete, Please don't leave me, I want you here I want you to be here with me... And if that's not enough look at the thousands of people that have told us that we helped them... that your lyrics helped them from what they were feeling, it gave them an escape from the darkness... Please Pete stay alive for us" I plead with him and he just cries into my shoulder. "Pete come take a shower with me" I say softly and he gives me a weird look. "To erase what you might be feeling inside... you also stink and I don't trust you alone" I say to clarify and he nods. I take his hand and we walk to the bathroom and he starts to strip to nothing. When he takes off his shirt I can see his ribs.   
"Pete when was the last time you ate?" I ask quietly not wanting to really offend him and he just shrugs. We step into the shower together after letting the water heat up and I feel a pair of arms snake around my waist. I notice that Pete had rested his chin on my shoulder and was running his hands along my chest and stomach, tracing the new lines where the muscle was slightly defined. I smile and let him, he seemed content... for now.   
"thank you for being here Patrick I really needed you" He whispers to me softly.  
"Of course Pete, you know I'm always a phone call away." He gives me a soft sweet smile in response which was probably the first time in a while that he actually smiled genuinely. I myself hadn't ever really seen this smile but it felt good knowing I could make him better.   
"Patrick you look so good" he says softly still running his hands along my front, I blush.   
"Thank you Pete" I smile softly and he turns me to face him, he looks at me with wonder in his eyes, I had forgotten for a moment that Pete hadn't seen me since I lost weight so I gave him time to look, though I was very self conscious. He cups my cheek in his hand, running his thin fingers over my cheekbones and jaw before letting his hand rest on my cheek.   
"Patrick... can I kiss you?" it wouldn't have been the first time we kissed but I still blushed like a schoolgirl, but nodded in consent and I feel his lips press against mine and without hesitation I find myself kissing my best friend, naked, and in his shower. Though it felt really good, we had to pull away to breathe. I find myself staring into Pete's eyes and I can see him smiling softly, the water was now cold and we both hadn't showered so we quickly washed up and stepped out of the shower. When Pete and I put some clothes on I instantly started stripping his bed of the old sheets, blankets and pillowcases and threw them in a pile along with the other dirty laundry in the room. Pete gave me a confused look but I quickly found another sheet set and made the bed before running to start laundry. When I come back I see Pete on the bed looking super depressed again and I go over to him, he clings and I just hold him tightly... I knew this was going to be a long day.


	3. I Long For a Love Like Yours

**~Pete's Pov~**

Here I was, laying in my bed a few hours ago, feeling as if my life was ending. Now I'm clung to Patrick feeling almost the same way but I feel safe in his arms, I feel protected from my demons like they wont hurt me when he's here.  
He's always been my saving grace and today was no different but I know that it wont be long before I relapse to how I was before. I feel bad for Patrick, I'm always weighing him down and causing him to have to come save me every three seconds it seems... I sometimes hope that he needs me just as much as I need him but I know that will never be true.  
I cry into his chest, though I'm not sure why, and he doesn't ask me he just lets me, running his hands along my back and I try so hard to compose myself, to get myself together, so I wasn't staining his shirt with my salty tears.  
I felt bad for doing so, he looks so nice in this shirt and here I am sobbing violently into it, covering it with tears, snot, and drool... pathetic.   
_He doesn't need you Peter, He's doing this because it's the right thing to do, not because he wants to. He hates you, thinks you're a piece of shit, dragging him down all the time, always clung to his side, begging him to help you with your stupid meaningless problems._  
Look at you Peter, look at how much he's changed for the better now that he hasn't had you in his life.  
He didn't even bother trying to contact you to check in on you, would a real friend do that to you, no... see he doesn't actually care for you, you worthless faggot!   
"SHUT UP!!" I shout which startles Patrick.  
"Pete, are you ok??" He asks worriedly and I just grip his shirt tighter.  
"Make the voices go away Patty" I say softly, "Tell me what they say isn't true..." I beg.  
"What are they telling you Pete?"   
"They're telling me you don't need me, saying that you're only helping me 'cause it's the right thing to do, not 'cause you want to. Telling me that you hate me, and you think I'm a piece of shit that drags you down 'cause I'm always clung to your side, begging for your help... Telling me that you only changed 'cause I wasn't really in your life... telling me you weren't a real friend 'cause you didn't check on me like you usually would.... they called me a useless faggot..... tell me Patty tell me what they say isn't true, please Patty, please let me know if that's what you actually think about me... tell me you need me just as much as I need you" I choke out brokenly.   
"Pete, I need you just as much as you need me. My life is so much better with you here... what I do for you isn't just because it's the right thing to do it's because I love you and I need you in my life.... I need you, you are wanted, you are my best friend and I can't imagine my life without you"   
_He's just saying it to be nice Peter.... do you_ really think that he would be pathetic enough to actually mean it. pft I mean look at you... look how you let yourself get; alone, skinny, and you somehow managed to get worse when everyone told you it can only get better... you have permanent scars 'cause you can't make good decisions and you look like a zombie fucked an alien and you were a result of their weird romance. You're a pathetic loser and I can see why Ashlee left you and took your son with her... I just hope he looks like her and not you 'cause that poor child will get pushed around like you were... It got to the point where you slept around you slut, slept with anyone who'd let you touch them and soon word got around that they needed to use you.... thank god Ashlee was the only one who got knocked up 'cause of you.... otherwise there would be more gay sluts like you in the world. That's another thing wrong with you... you're a fag, and nobody likes a dirty fag...  
"STOP.... SHUT UP I'M NOT GOING TO BELIEVE YOU!" I shout again and Patrick gets more worried.  
"Pete do you have anymore of your meds?" He asks softly.   
_Lie to him, tell him you don't, he won't care enough to go look... or even better say you have to go look for them and take all of them. I'm sure he wont care enough to stop you._  
"Uh I might... let me go look.." I say softly giving into the temptations.   
"Okay, but if you aren't back in 10 minutes imma come look for you." he replies and I nod heading to my medicine cabinet. I close the bathroom door behind me and I open the pill bottle that was on the counter, I sit down on the floor, back against the door and I take them... 1...2...3...6...8...gone. I feel myself get weaker and I attempt to call for Patrick.   
"Patrick..." I call weakly but I think he heard cause I hear the door open and I fall backwards... that's the last thing I remember.


	4. Peter...Please...

**~Patrick's POV~**

 

I've been sitting here 2 weeks with Pete. He lay unconscious and in a coma... the doctors aren't sure when he'll wake up but I'll be here when he does. 2 weeks have felt like eternity.... everyday's the same; the doctor comes in to check on Pete every so often and they force me to eat or get sleep though I don't want to miss a second with my best friend. Every day I whisper to him gently, "Hey Pete, I don't know if you can hear me buddy but I'm still right here by your side... I promise that when you wake up I'll be right here for you... I promise I'll never leave your side again Pete.... we'll create a life together... I promise Pete, just stay strong and pull through buddy..... I love you"  
I kiss his cheek and return to holding his hand loosely. These weeks become months, the months turn to a year and still nothing from Pete... I don't know how much longer I can handle being alone without him. I had canceled the rest of my tour which I don't care about and soon the press figured out Pete was in a coma... I've done 2 or 3 interviews just to shut rumors up but I'm never away from him more that 5 minutes at a time.  
We're at a year and 4 months now and time has really flown by, while dragging me behind, I can remember his laugh and his voice  
and the way he'd cuddle into me and hold my hand... I miss him, I need him...  
"Pete please if you can hear me know that I'm here for you, please wake up baby" I cry out every so often and sleep has come far and few between....  
meals only happen cause the doctor, bless her heart, brings me food everyday because she knows I won't leave him. When I first came in with Pete they knew I wasn't going to leave so they put us in a room where we could be together. I sit and wait with him for  a few more weeks that turn into more months and we're now at almost two years. The doctor confronts me.  
"Patrick..." she begins, "It's been almost 2 years since Pete's been in here, we don't know how much longer we can keep him alive if he doesn't wake up soon... so we have to make a choice.... keep him on life support and see if he does get better, or take him off and let him die in his sleep" she says softly and I sob.   
"K-keep him on it.... goddamn it I'm not about to give up on him.... I have faith he'll get better... he always gets better.... he's my strong man, he'll pull through" I choke out. The doctor just sighs and nods, letting me back into the room with Pete. I sit by his side and hold onto his hand sobbing, as if to magically will him back to consciousness.   
I hear a small groan and an attempt at saying ' _patty_ ' I look over to my once sleeping prince charming and I notice he's awake.  
"PETE!" I exclaim happily as I start to sob happy tears.  
"Pete I missed you so much... I thought you were gone.... Oh my god... I never gave up on you Pete, see" I choke out and he just looked confused.  
I rush to get the doctor and she comes in and is happily surprised. She takes Pete off of the respirator and he's able to talk again.   
"Patrick... where am I?" he asks softly, his voice scratchy from being out so long.   
"Pete we're in the hospital... you've been in a coma for almost 2 years" I tell him and he just nods sadly.   
"I'm sorry Patty-bear... I'm so selfish..." He says as if he remembered that night. I just hug him the best I can.   
"Pete promise me you'll stay alive for me.... for us..." I ask softly.  
"I promise you Patty cakes that I'll stay alive for you.... I'm so so so sorry..." a tear falls down his face and I wipe it away with my thumb. I'm soon asked to step aside so the doctors can check on Pete. I wait and they say he needs to stay here for a few more months so he can regain his health but he should be fine... I'm so glad I have my Pete back. I hold onto him, he only has a few IVs and monitors hooked up to him unlike before when he had a million things coming to and from him. I feel him attempt to rub my back and I can feel his tears fall onto my shirt but I don't care, Pete's alive and I couldn't ask for more.


	5. Patrick Actually Cares...?

**~Pete's POV~**

 

Patrick stayed with me... through all that time... he was here... for me... almost 2 years, he said he never left... i know it's true I could hear everything he said, I want to cry. I had heard the doctors tell him to go home and eat and he'd refuse, I heard the doctors eventually bring him food here. I had felt Patrick's hand in mine all the time, I could feel him cry against my skin as he so desperately willed me to come back. I felt every time he would fall asleep holding my hand and I remember one of the nurses pulling him away and laying him on his own bed so he could sleep... I only know that because I heard him talking to a nurse about how he ended up in bed. Now that I think about it, it was Patrick that willed me awake. When I was asleep I kept fading in and out of being able to hear Patrick, which I assume was me being pulled in and out of actual consciousness. Patrick saved my life and I'm grateful for him.   
"Patrick...?" I ask the best I can  
"Yes Pete?"   
"Kiss me" I say and he kisses me softly, and I knew in that moment that he not only missed me but it seemed he was thinner than before, I could feel how much he changed. I kissed him back weakly, but I wanted it, no I needed it. I needed this kiss to see if Patrick did care, if he actually meant what he said.   
With his kiss I could tell everything was going to be alright, and when he pulls away I see the nurse smiling happily at us. I didn't care, I had someone who loved me and that's all that mattered. After the nurse poked and prodded and asked her robotically routine questions she left us alone saying that I only need to be here for another week for observations, making sure everything is fine. I made Patrick go and get food so he didn't die.   
I could feel him shaking, most likely due to lack of blood sugars.   
When he came back he had some foods and he sat next to me in a chair and ate his food.   
I think it was his way of saying he was ok.   
After a while of getting caught up on events that happened within the 2 years that I was asleep I learn that my parents visited once and Patrick said it was to see if anyone else was going to stay with me and when they saw Patrick here they just kind of never showed up again.   
I also learned that Joe and Andy got together and they visited a few times, mostly to check on Patrick but they'd leave little things like get well cards and flowers and other things, most of which still sitting on the small bedside table despite being wilted or dead with a mix of lively bright ones.   
After a few more minutes Patrick looks like he's about to pass out so I tell him to lay down and sleep but he refuses, holding onto my hand as if when he let go I'd be gone again.   
The nurse told Patrick that if he'd like he could cuddle with me now that I am awake and I'm not hooked up to a million machines, he just has to be gentle.   
I soon find him looking at me as if asking permission to join me in the bed and I nod and scoot so he can join me.   
I'm still pretty weak and drowsy so when he snuggles against me I try my best to cuddle back.   
I soon feel Patrick's breaths even out and I know he has fallen asleep.   
I myself feel pretty tired but I can't sleep at the moment. I end up looking at sleeping Patrick in my arms.   
I watch as he slept and I see a small smile on his face, he looked content and peaceful.   
He needed sleep and you could tell by the way his arms were draped gently around me and the way he didn't move the whole time he was passed out.   
A few hours later he soon starts to wake up and I see him smile when he notices he's snuggled up close to me. The days seemingly fly by and before we know it we're headed home. When we get back to my house it was exactly how it was left 2 years ago, nothing has changed.   
Patrick and I get into the house and we both just kind of collapse onto the couch. I still feel tired sometimes and right now I was exhausted. Patrick pulls me to him as if sensing my tiredness. He holds me close to him and runs his hands along my back, humming softly to me.   
I can't help but fall asleep in his arms. I love him and I'm glad that he was there to save me in my time of need.  
  


 


	6. Living Like We Don't Have A Tomorrow

**~Patrick's POV~**

 

Pete and I have spent every waking moment together since he has gotten out of the hospital, even when we are asleep we're with each other. We've remained close friends, never going beyond hugging with the occasional kiss on the cheek, it's as if we were teens entering our first relationship.   
What we have right now is pure and fragile but I can't help the burning feelings in my heart that make me long for Pete's touch and the way his voice soothes me after a panic attack.   
But today I'm going to live live it's our last day and take a step into what seems to be the near impossible, but I'm going to ask out Pete.   
Now Pete and I 'dated' for about a year and a half towards the beginning of fall out boy but things didn't really work at the time because we were both younger and being new to the music scene we were all trying to find ourselves and the image we wanted to show to the public.  
Now I am sure Pete is the one I want, the one who can make my darkest days have a ray of sunlight, and I just hope that he feels the same way, I hope that I make him feel the way he makes me feel.   
We head out for the day, we had preexisting plans for that day but my plans changed with a last minute decision to ask him out while we were at lunch.   
Time moved by seemingly too slow today but eventually we're sat in a small diner talking about life over sandwiches and soda.   
"Peter..." I say softly getting his attention almost immediately.   
"Yes Pattycakes... is everything ok?" his words flow freely, as if no thought went into what he had said. The way he said it sounded so natural and sent chills down my spine.  
"Yeah everything's ok, I just I have something important I have to tell you... promise me you wont hate me or leave me alone when I tell you this... the last thing I'd want is to ruin our friendship."   
"Patrick what are you going on about, you're making me nervous" he says and worry laces his words.   
"eff it Imma just be straight forward with this" I say before taking a deep breath "I like you Pete, like really really like you and I was wondering if you'd like to maybe-" I can't finish my sentence before Pete is standing beside me, bent down and his lips pressed against mine. I inhale sharply in surprise before kissing back.   
"you're such a dork Patrick you know that" he says with a small chuckle after pulling away.   
"I'm taking that as a yes...?"   
"how about you take it as a hell yes" I can't help but smile like an idiot at his words.   
"you don't know how long I've been waiting for you to ask me Patrick... all the long nights in my cold bed, waiting for the phone call to hear your voice saying 'Pete i need you more than anything, I'm coming home' and I dreamed about what would happen when you showed up at my door, flowers in hand asking me to be yours. It's a silly thing to think about but holy fuck Patrick I can't believe this is happening" he says in a dream like state.   
"Well if you give me a chance I can make that dream a reality"   
"Patrick what are you-"  
"Go home Pete, and wait, just wait and you'll see"   
"But our plans-"   
"peter listen to me"   
"Ok" he heads back to his house and I'm off to start my journey to make Pete's dream a reality. After about an hour and a half I call Pete and he answers instantly.   
"Hey Pattycakes"   
"Peter I need you more than anything in this entire world... I'm coming home Pete and I promise I'm not leaving you again" I say gently and I can hear his smile through the phone.  
"I'll be waiting for you" he says and I hang up. When I get back to the house I knock on the front door and there is a long pause before he comes and answers it. I hand him a bouquet of various colored flowers ranging in different varieties, all of which I know he likes. He smiles and takes them.  
"Peter I know this is going to sound pathetic but be mine, I love you and every moment I'm with you my heart melts. I love the way you smile and laugh and your body is perfect and your personality is to die for, please Peter let me be yours"   
"Fuck... Patrick... yes Patrick I want to be yours" he says and he kisses me softly. I smile before pulling away.  
"Did I make your dream a reality Pete, darling?"   
"You've made all my dreams a reality Pattycakes, you make my life feel like I'm in one constant amazing dream and sometimes I feel so selfish for trying to leave the joy you created in my life"  
"Oh Pete, don't worry about that sweetheart you're here now and nothing can change the way I feel about you."   
"I love you honeybee"   
"I love you too cuddlebug" he smiles at me and pulls me onto the couch where we sit and watch movies in each other's arms until sunset. 


	7. Holiday Fever

**~Pete's POV~**

6 months ago Patrick made my dreams come true. 6 months ago I started dating the man of my dreams. Today we celebrate our first Christmas together as a couple.   
Patrick said he has something special planned and I couldn't be more nervous. Patrick had left clues over the house about where to find him and this "present".  
I follow each piece of paper, that coincided with a small present like candies and flowers, and I eventually come across the last paper that tells me to get dressed and meet Patrick at the restaurant that we had our first date.  
He's sitting by a window, the glass fogged from the heat inside mixing with the bitter cold on the outside.  
I walk into the restaurant and tell the person in the front that I was here to meet up with Patrick and she lead me to him.  
I sit across from my handsome boy and he smiles.   
"Hey Patty boy, how are you" Patrick blushes at the nickname.   
"I'm doing good... did you enjoy your scavenger hunt this morning?"   
"Yeah" I say to him with a smile.   
"Good"  
"But was all that necessary to just ask me on a date" I say with a giggle.  
"yes it was, and it's not just a date Pete it's our first Christmas together as a couple like it's kind of a big deal"   
"you're such a hopeless romantic Patrick and it's kind of adorable... no scratch that it is like really adorable"   
"This is coming from the guy who I know has written songs about me... and uh for future reference Andy can't keep his mouth shut" he giggles  
I turn bright red "He's such a jerk... we had a deal..."   
"Oh god what is that?"  
"that if he told you about the songs and I found out he would have to ask out Joe"   
"Ooh call  him right now"   
"Mkay" I quickly pull out my phone and dial Andy's number. He's very quick to answer, always has been.   
"Hey Pete, what's up?"   
"Guess what I just found out"  
"uuhh you're secretly a girl and Patrick got you pregnant" he teases and I giggle.   
"No you dummy but Patrick just told me you informed him about my songs" I can hear his mouth drop and the terror he feels.   
"I...uh... I....n-no?!"   
"I don't think Patrick would lie.... but you know what that means Andy" I say slyly.   
"yeah...yeah... ok... I was gonna do it anyways today" he mutters to himself more than he meant it for me.   
"Ok Andy, call us later with how it went"   
"alright Pete, talk to you soon....bye" The line goes dead and I know he had hung up. I look towards Patrick, who has the biggest smile on his face and I myself can't help but smile at him.   
"So we'll be hearing from Andy in a little bit to hear how it went."   
"awesome" He says with a giggle.  
Hours fly by and we are soon back at home watching movies before we exchange actual gifts. We get a call from Andy and we instantly pause the moive we were watching. I answer the phone and put it on speaker.   
"Hey Andy how's it goin'?"  
"IAMINARELATIONSHIPWITHMYBESTFRIENDANDIMKINDOFFREAKINGOUT!" he says rather quickly and excitedly.   
"Whoa slow down" Patrick and I say in unison but we shrug it off cause we can literally finish each other's sentences.  
"I am dating Joe and I'm freaking out from how happy I am" he says slower but excitement very present in his voice.  
"Dude that is so cool! Congrats man!" Patrick squeals out happily.   
"Aww thanks Patrick, that means a lot"   
Patrick giggles softly in response "any time Andy"   
"I told you he liked you Andrew but you didn't listen" I tease him.   
"Maybe I should listen to you more"   
"No that's a bad idea, last week he tricked me into taking my shirt off cause he said there was a bug on it and I freaked, taking my shirt off only to later find out he just wanted me to take it off" Patrick whines with a pout.   
Andy laughs "Patrick I think it's because you're really gullible and you will literally listen to anything Pete says no matter how ridiculous it sounds..."   
"I do not" Patrick protests.   
"Patrick the other day I told you to go dig a hole in the snow just to see if you'd do it... and you did... why would I need a hole in the snow?"   
"I don't know Pete, you're very strange and I don't question the things you ask me to do cause I sometimes don't want to know what you're planning"   
I shrug "at least you're honest with me."   
Andy's on the other end of the phone laughing his ass off. "You two are like an old married couple and it's adorable"    
Patrick giggles and I blush. "Maybe one day Andy" Patrick says nonchalantly and I blush more trying to think about what he meant by that.   
The conversation ends after Andy got interrupted by Joe. We all say goodbye and Patrick  turns off the movie. I whine in protest.   
"Let's open presents now Pete" he says and I nod excitedly.   
We head over to the Christmas tree and we sit in front of it like two children waiting to open their presents. Patrick pulls out a small box from under the tree with my name on it and hands it to me. I happily take the neatly wrapped box and tear off the paper. I open the box and I find new guitar picks with something engraved on them.   
Upon further inspection of the picks, when put together they say "Patrick and Pete Forever" with the date we got together on the final one. I smile and thank Patrick, trying to fight back happy tears. I pull out an envelope from under the tree and hand it to Patrick, it went along with another gift but I wanted him to read it first.   
The letter was a promise to be with Patrick for the rest of our lives whether it would be romantically or if we chose to pursue other people I wouldn't give up on him or myself again. I see the tears in his eyes as he finished reading the letter.   
"I love you so much Pete, you don't even know" he says with the biggest smile on his face.   
I pull out the box that corresponds with the letter and he looks confused. He opens the box that I had tried wrapping but I'm no where near as good as Patrick is at wrapping presents. Inside the box was a photo album with polaroids ranging from when we first met to the present day and he smiles happily.   
"God I love you so much Pete" He says happily. After that he pulls out another small box and hands it to me.  
Inside the box was a ring, the top part formed a little [knot](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/7f/fd/b8/7ffdb82edd9903a6b22c23a644c1ac28--knot-ring-promise-rings.jpg) and the little paper that was inside the box read "A 'knot' ring. The ring symbolizes a knot that is not quite tied yet, but has all intentions of being tied. A promise ring." I smile up at Patrick and he takes the ring from me before sliding it on my finger.   
"It is definitely way too early for us to get engaged, considering we have only been dating for 6 months, but I want to some day share my life with you in the way a married couple would. I want to spend every second of every day with you Pete and this is my promise that one day you will have that happily ever after that you deserve. I feel so lucky that I get to share times like this with you, it makes me feel so special. I love you Pete."   
"I love you too Patrick so much" the happy tears spill from my eyes.   
We continue to exchange gifts until there are none left.   
When they are all gone (Except for the few we have for Andy and Joe, they should be coming over soon) Patrick and I share a loving embrace before we clean up the wrapping paper off the floor.   
A short while after we finish cleaning up Joe and Andy come over and we exchange gifts with them. Joe got me a new hoodie and got Patrick a fedora. Andy got me some new notebooks for lyrics and got Patrick a composition journal for music.   
While they were over I think they flirted with each other most of the time and actually contributed to conversation 25% of the time.   
When they leave we thank them for coming and all that stuff and Patrick and I head to the living room and sit to continue our movie.   
The days fly by quickly, we had visited his and my parents for the holidays and it was really hard because I didn't get to see Bronx and it is my first Christmas with out him since he was born.   
Patrick has helped me a lot though, he has supported me and almost made me forget that Ashlee left with everything I had, but there are definitely days where I don't want to wake up, though it's been a while since my attempt I still feel the things I used to.   
Patrick makes it better though, Patrick always makes it better and melts away my problems.   
On new years We shared a kiss at midnight and got drunk, I can't remember much past midnight but I will always remember when me and Patrick kissed in the dimly lit living room as the TV showed the ball drop and the people cheering shouting happy new year. When we headed to bed, we fell asleep happily into each other's arms.


	8. (un)Happy Days

**~Patrick's POV~**

 

I see it's getting harder for Pete the more we live on. It's really not that hard to tell, but he tries so hard to hide it.   
I can easily read him though, having known him for quite a few years now. It's so easy to tell when he's upset.   
He's been thinking about her again, Ashlee, the one who left him. There's really not much I can do to stop him.   
I hear him crying when he says he's going to shower or when he goes to get something from the other room.   
I hear his suffering though he isn't aware I know. Over 7 months now is how long we've been together. Tomorrow marks the 8th month.  
It's crazy how the time will fly when you are in love. I just want Pete to be ok though. He says he will be. He starts therapy today and I already know they will put him on more drugs... higher doses of the drugs that so obviously make him feel more broken, make him fake happy. I wish I could do more.   
It pains me to know Pete hurts. I wish I could kiss him and make him better... like a parent when they kiss their child's wounds to make them feel better.   
I want to heal the broken heart and the dark thoughts but it's not possible for me to. I want to make him better.   
I'm getting worse and I can't blame Pete cause he's done nothing wrong. It's something I've suffered from for so long, but for me it's nothing as bad as Pete.  
I have gotten help, I still have the pills from the Soul Punk tour. I should take them again but I don't want to... They make me someone I'm not.   
They give me false hope and I don't like that. Maybe i should see my therapist again, though she reminds me too much of old times I don't want to remember.   
I decide against it, Pete helps me more than she ever did, more than the stupid pills ever did, I just wish I could do the same for him.   
If anything I'll just go for a drive to clear my mind... Yeah that's what I'll do. Drive until I know Pete will be home. Pete's sessions usually last for an hour or two.   
After he usually goes out shopping for whatever to clear his mind. I get in my car and I begin driving, no set destination in mind. I try not to think of anything and I turn on the radio. Nothing good is on so I put in a CD Pete made for me of all the songs he wrote for me.   
I mindlessly start singing along to the words, not paying attention to the thoughts that threatened to shine through the lyrics.   
As I sang I thought of Pete, oh how I'd love to just hold him right now and not think about life. I just want him in my arms.  
I want the world to meld into a perfect symphony of happiness, that's irrational though. I continue my drive and I notice I'm headed towards the highway. I get on just so I had more time to think. It's been a while since I've driven anywhere, mostly cause Pete and I can walk to wherever we need to go. I let my mind go, focusing on not only the lyrics but the road and other bittersweet thoughts. I think an hour has passed and I feel it's time to start heading home so I go to get off the highway and make my way home, to Pete, singing (more like shouting) the lyrics to  _What A Catch Donnie_ , and that't the last thing I really remember before the world turned black, everything seemed so loud, but peaceful at the same time. Moments later I hear sirens....  _why would there be sirens_ I think to myself. I open my eyes when I feel strange hands shake me gently.  
"Sir, can you hear me?" The voice of the person shaking me says.   
"am I dying?" I ask softly, pain suddenly present.   
"No, we're doing everything we can to help you" The person says again.  
 _We're losing him_ another voice shouts as the faint beeps of the heart monitor in the ambulance start to slow  
"call my Pete and tell him I love him... Make sure he doesn't worry about me..." I mumble weakly before passing out again.   
I hear everything they say. I hear when they call my Pete. I hear when Pete comes in in a panic. I hear the shrieks from Pete when the heart monitor flatlines, I hear him try to call me back. I feel when they push him away from me so they can try to revive me. I hear his sob in relief when they can, but his loud cry when they take me away from him. I hear the doctors and nurses discussing the results from the scans and tests they ran to see what happened.   
 _Emergency Surgery_ I hear one of them say and I'm whisked away into another room. That's all I heard for a while. I eventually feel Pete beside me again. I hear his voice, so broken, willing me back to him. I hear when the doctors said I was in a medically induced coma and I could be for the next few weeks but it was unpredictable when I'd wake  _if_ I'd ever wake and in that moment I knew I'd have to stay strong for my boy. 


	9. Stay With Me 'Cause I Promised to Stay With You

**~Pete's POV~**

 

_No. No this can't be happening. Not to my Patrick. No... Why him... poor Pattycakes... Why him? This isn't fair. At least let him be safe._  These thoughts race through my mind as I rush through the doors into the hospital in hysterics, asking the nurse where my Patrick could be. She tells me where he is and I rush to be by his side. His heart monitor flatlines and I let out a blood curdling scream.   
"PATRICK!" I shout as I'm dragged out of the room. Hours later he is in ICU and I'm here waiting for him to get better. I'm by his side, they let me be.   
"Trick I don't know if you can here me but I want you to stay strong for me ok? I know you can I have faith in you... You didn't give up on me so I'm not giving up on you ok? I love you very much and I promise I'll be right by your side when you wake up." I say, well more like sob at Patrick hoping he can hear me. The poor nurse standing in the doorway looked at me with a sympathetic smile.   
"He'll be alright I promise you, it's not often people die from this and he seems like a strong man... I'm nurse Carlos but you can call me by my first name Jonathan, considering I think we'll be getting acquainted over the next few days." he says with a smile  
"It's nice to meet you... I'm Pete, Patrick's boyfriend" he giggles   
"I figured... How long have you been dating?"   
"tomorrow marks 8 months" I say starting to choke up.  
"It's ok... about 9 and a half months ago I had gotten out of the hospital from a suicide attempt... I'm ok now but Patrick was there for me for the 2 years I was in a coma and now I'm going to be here for him no matter how long he's here for"   
"that is probably the sweetest thing...usually when I visit patience who are in here the people staying with them are only here cause they have to be and they usually are on schedules like one day mom's here next day girlfriend and so on and so forth... it's quite sad to think about, but i guess that's just how some people roll"  
I nod slightly. We continue talking and it gets late. The days go on like this, weeks pass, still nothing from Patrick. One morning Jonathan comes in to wake me and give me breakfast but he quickly puts the tray on the table and shakes me.   
"Pete! Pete wake up!"  
I sit up quickly "Is everything ok?"   
"Pete I think he's waking up.... look" I look over to Patrick   
"pete" I hear a weak voice call out and I'm over to Patrick's side, Jonathan rushed to get the doctors.   
"Patty I'm here for you baby, I'm right here." I say taking his hand.   
"Petey I wanna go home, I don't want to be here, take me home" he says the best he can.   
"Tricky we gotta stay here until the doctors say you are better"   
"I feel better Petey, take me home I wanna go home I dont wanna be here" he says, looking like he wanted to cry  
"Tricky boy look I know you don't wanna be here, but you gotta be until the doctors say you can leave."  
The doctors come in and they examine Patrick and tell me that he can go home after a few hours for observations.   
"see tricky, if you feel better in a few hours you can go home, ok?" Patrick just nods in response. A few hours go by and the doctors eventually release Patrick saying that he has made a full recovery from the concussion he got but he still needs a cast on his arm for his broken shoulder. I give Patrick a soft kiss and we head out to pick up his prescriptions. When we got home he barely makes it to the couch before purposefully falling down on it in exhaustion.   
"tricky boy are you ok?"  
"yeah petey, just tired"   
"wanna go lay down?"  
"snuggles?"  
"of course Pattycakes"  
Patrick smiles and makes grabby hands... well hand for me.  
"Patty is this your way of asking me to carry you?" Patrick nods in response. I sigh softly, it had been a while since I had attempted to carry Patrick, but I wasn't about to argue with him. Turns out the accident wasn't his fault, the other driver had been intoxicated, killed the passenger in their car on impact... I'm just thankful my Patty is ok. When I gingerly manage to carry Patrick to the bedroom, literally avoiding every obstacle in my way so I didn't hurt Patrick. This causes him to giggle. When I gently place him on the bed he smiles and I climb in next to him, snuggling him the best I can.   
"Pete did you hear anything about the accident? Do you know how the other people are?"  
"Oh my Patrick, always worrying about others. Yes I know that the driver of the other car was arrested for DUI and manslaughter-"  
"Manslaughter... oh Pete did someone die?" Patrick seems hurt.   
"Yeah, the 15 year old passenger in his car passed away upon impact. Her stepdad had been taking her to a dance recital and he was very intoxicated."  
"Oh that poor child Pete... I wanna help somehow but I don't know if I can... do you know the name of this girl?"   
"Patrick... she was Joe's niece..." I say softly  
"Oh no! Joe Oh my god no!" Patrick sits up and quickly dials Joe's number. Joe answers instantly.   
"Hey Patrick, are you ok, how are you doing?"   
"Don't worry about me, are you ok? How are you doing?"   
"I'm sad, and worried about you but seriously we're ok"  
"Joe is there anything I could do to help? Anything at all?"   
Joe lets out a soft giggle on the other side of the line "Patrick everything will be ok, seriously though how are you doing?"   
"I'm doing pretty good, I have a broken arm, had a minor concussion"   
"I'm so sorry... we came and visited as soon as we heard the news Patrick... I'm terribly sorry that it was my brother-in-law who did this to you... I knew he was no good but there's really nothing you can do when you're in love"  
"Joe seriously it's ok... if there s anything I could do to help with either her funeral or anything please let me know."  
"Patrick you're such a great person, I mean look at you, you're in a cast, probably drugged up and you aren't worried about yourself, I can't believe I have a friend like you.... better than some of the other losers I've been friends with." Patrick had the biggest smile on his face after Joe said that to him. "hey Andy wants to say something to you"   
"Ok Joe.... it was nice talking to you"   
"It was nice talking to you too Patrick, get well soon ok buddy? We'll come visit soon" and with that Joe hands the phone over to Andy.   
"hey Pat, how are you doing?"   
"I'm doing good Andy"   
"that's awesome bro, I can't wait to come see you and Pete soon... I miss you guys"   
"we miss you too Andy"   
"Hey Joe and I have to go for a bit but we'll call you guys later ok?"   
"ok Andy, bye bye for now"   
"Bye" and with that Patrick hangs up the phone.   
"Pete what exactly happened when I was in the hospital?"   
"well you had emergency surgery on your shoulder cause everything was messed up and you also had some internal bleeding that they needed to fix before you bled to death. You had a concussion, which was part of the reason that they put you in a coma, and then I met this cool nurse named Jonathan, he's chill. He made it easier to see you in the hospital bed, like he brought me food and we talked. Turns out this dude has a husband and they've been married for about 2 years now, isn't that cool?"   
"yeah" Patrick seemed to be drifting off so I kept telling him stories and he soon fell asleep, safe in my arms. Not too long after I too was asleep with my Patrick

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I'm not a doctor I am just a teenage girl writing fanfics in her room so before you get salty about this chapter just know I know this isn't how any of this works but it's my story and my au so deal with it XD like so far everyone has been so nice and there has only been one real comment (and it was pretty nice) but like I know someone will get salty about this story someday


	10. I'm Here to Stay, for You, for Me, for Us

**~Patrick's POV~**

It's been about 2 months since I got out of the hospital. Doctors say my shoulder's doing so much better and I got my cast off yesterday.  
Today we are going out to celebrate our 10 month anniversary, Pete says it's going to be really special because we haven't been able to do much for our last few anniversaries because well I was either in the hospital or I had a cast on and couldn't really do much.  
You know Pete and I really take the time to show each other how much we love each other, especially since almost every time we get a break from tragedy, we manage to get tangled up in more. I guess it just proves that if you really do love someone you will do almost anything to be by their side.   
Pete comes out of the bedroom (at this point we were basically living together since one of us is always having to take care of the other) in a nice shirt, nothing too fancy just a simple dark grey T-shirt, and a nice light blue pair of jeans that hugged his body perfectly.  
He looked amazing, maybe even a bit sexy in this outfit. I look over him and he blushes, a soft smirk danced across his lips.   
"Like what you see 'trick?"   
"mhm, you look so handsome Pete," he blushes more.   
"Go get dressed my sweet Patty-boy, we're going out"   
"where to?"   
"You'll have to see when we get there hun"   
"Ugh, fine" I whine and go to throw on some nicer clothes.  
This consisted of my favorite white shirt, that almost matches the one Pete is wearing, and a pair of jeans that weren't as fitted as Pete's, but I still liked the way they looked on me and Pete has told me a million times he likes the way they look too.   
I wander back to the living room where Pete was checking himself in a mirror that was hung by the coat rack.  
I sneak up behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. He smiles and leans into me.   
"You're so handsome, you know that?" I whisper to Pete, knowing that the thoughts that were racing through his mind were anything but kind.   
"babe, you may tell me a million times how handsome I supposedly am, but I will never compare to how fucking gorgeous you are"  
I can't help but to blush a deep red at Pete's words. "Oh hush, you are too sexy for your own good," I bite my lip, realizing what I just said. Pete was now the color of a ripe tomato. Pete spins around so he's facing me and kisses me deeply.   
He pulls away from me momentarily, "you're so fucking sexy Patrick, I want you to feel what you do to me" he pushes his hips against mine and I feel how hard Pete's getting, I push him away though. "Weren't we going out?" I ask innocently.   
"Yeah, and when we get home you are all mine" he whispers in my ear, pulling me out the door.   
At the restaurant he started playing games; running his foot up my leg, making sexual comments, and just making it hard to concentrate (Concentrating wasn't the only hard thing though)   
When we got home he pushes me against the wall, kissing me roughly. 

**~they end up in the bedroom ;)~**

Pete and I laid next to each other, sweaty and panting.   
"Holy shit..." Pete says while trying to catch his breath "...that was fucking amazing"   
I smile at him "Yeah it was" I told him gently. There are moments I am super thankful to have him and right now has to be one of those times... I know that during the months that I was hurt he was probably hurting more on the inside than he let me see... He wants to protect me and I want to be his savior. I love him and I will always love him.


End file.
